Remonstrating at work but sans any bitter feelings

There is no workplace where there is no divergence of views. Because of diversity that prevails, the principles and convictions that employees harbour are often conflicting. It is not uncommon for many people to misconstrue differing viewpoints as personal attacks intended to dent their individual standings. If that is not perceived, then the other person is seen as a bothersome or problematic character.

The above notwithstanding, whenever a conflict situation arises, most of us think that the Heavens have fallen or are about to fall and take the extreme step of keeping others out of the scheme of things or decision-making process. The results are ruinous; we are unable to resolve issues and come out of difficult situations. So, how do we address conflict?

If there is a conflict situation, you will always find some people more adept at dealing with it. There are plusses and minuses on either side of the conflict spectrum. People who are skilful at handling conflicts have the power to look them straight into their eyes. But they often bring about unwarranted anxiety and stress too. Those who want to escape stress by avoiding conflict situations are bound to be little submissive and possess greater degree of easiness to accept argument and discord. Such people do not get perturbed by small irritants when there is divergence of views. They invariably suffer a disadvantage because their emotions remain bottled up inside them, making situation deteriorate further. 

It needs to be acquiesced that existence of conflict situations is beneficial because you resolve issues. In the process of resolving issues, we need to be cautious in expressing our views without disconcerting and flustering others. The issue is to avoid being jibbed at by others and at the same time be able to sway and motivate them. You need to be an upbeat knocker. When you work in a team, you will see people who have a difficult time in putting across their viewpoints. You will also have people who are at ease doing so; this is the lot who are upbeat knockers. They possess the requisite attributes and employ the following prime strategies that always work and make things happen as expected:

· Recognising & appreciating others: People who have the courage to oppose and challenge invariably acknowledge the perspectives and standpoints of others. This they do by giving a patient and focussed hearing; and seeking clarifications whenever necessary. By doing so, their attentiveness and thoughtfulness is conveyed. Others do not feel muffled, as a result, great transparency is achieved and ambiguities, if any, tend to get demolished. And when they make a point, it is accepted without much hassle.  

· Using non-verbal communications to effect: Words that you speak are important alright, but your gestures and other non-verbal communications need to be in sync with them too. Research has shown that while the spoken word is indeed important, body language is more important. Non-verbal communications convey views many times more. And when you communicate carefully and diligently, you connect better. You avoid the risks of being objected to or labelled as a bulldozer. As a matter of principle, you should refrain from pointing fingers or any other conduct that could be labelled as offensive conduct. Any increase in your fretfulness and anxiety levels could raise the concerns of the other person further; and who may, as a consequence of the foregoing, become more edgy.

· Speaking when required & speaking for effect: This calls for knowing when to speak and what to speak as also when not to speak. Silence is always golden and it creates an impact. If you avoid speaking much, you portray a good impression and contribute to make a dialogue meaningful. You simply have to remain calm, well-poised and unruffled at all times, even when you are making a point. 

· Keeping team interests above everything: Though you may disagree with your team members, you cannot afford to let your team’s interests suffer. Therefore, your focus should always be to resolve matters so that your team marches ahead. You have to act with due diligence and make your opinions acceptable to others. Though contingent on the prevalent situation, if you succeed in getting dissidents and grumblers to add on to your concepts and philosophies, a more integrated outlook will result. 

· Respecting others & gaining respect: It is respect alone that begets respect. So, if you treat others with reverence and veneration, you will also be regarded likewise. Treating others with respect calls for displaying a highly social, concerned and sympathetic attitude. 

· Swaying others while asserting oneself: You need to be able to prevail over others and this is best attainable if you recognise what they stand for. You need to listen to them without interrupting and not oppose any point just because it comes from a person whose ideas are not matching with yours. You will be able to influence others if, despite differences, you are able to channelize dialogues towards a common ground.

When you do not dismiss any opposing view and give credit for a great idea put across, you position yourself at an advantageous position. You will be able to remonstrate assertively, but without generating any ill-feelings. And when ill-feelings are absent, your team’s output increases. Shouldn’t that be your objective?